nervous

omg omg omg omg omg. ok so im pretty nervous about starting this new job. like frantic nervous. these past 2 years of my life have included some pretty fuckin insane jobs.

1. the insane asylum beverly hills job-drama, bitchiness, 60 hours a week, hour long commute, 10 dollars an hour, psycho boss, ex criminals, etc
2. running a company-no money, partner was a sociopath-liar, manipulative, evil, fucked me over bitch
3. unjustly terminated–story still to come
4. job right before moving to cali–call center–stupid people, definitely was on another level from my coworkers, not better than, just on another level, exremely strict rules and guidelines, scheduled bathrooms breaks-no good for me

So basically all of these experiences of working after college have been fucking horrible. exhausting, deteriorating, awful. while i do admit owning my own business is my dream-there are steps that need to be taken for me to get to that point and be as successful as i envision. Other than that-what I really want is to enjoy the people I work with-I’d like to connect and share interests and hopefully be in the same age group. I neeeed to meet people younger here, so far everyone is older than me and it makes me feel older than I am. I want to make enough money to meet my ongoing obligations and pay my debt down and start planning my wedding.  I want some freedom-I don’t mind following guidelines on how they want stuff done, but I want to make it my own and be trusted to do a good job. no micro management!

im facing the possibility of working anywhere between 6am-11pm 365 days a year. my first worry is, is this job going to be worth it to potentially miss thanksgiving? and even worse, CHRISTMAS? I am a christmas junkie. i live for that time of year. i absolutely love the love, joy, hope, giving, and family time. i am horrified of the thought of missing it, so im praying for strength to get through it and like i said, hopefully the sacrifice will be worth it in the long run.

another fear–working late at night means i miss time with my love. working super early ams means well, my general discomfort since i dont like early mornings AND having to leave my love warm in bed. but i think to myself—1. i used to be a server and work super late nights (although kev wasnt working fulltime back then, those were student days) and 2. im no stranger to working early mornings ive done it plenty of times in past jobs. i guess i just need to not be so dependent on lover boy. ugh its just so hard when all i want to do is spend every waking moment with him, but thats just unrealistic and i need to get over it.

 

i just want something good. ive learned a lot these last 2 years and i think i deserve a second chance to be smart and get my shit together and im hoping this opportunity will be it.

Thoughts

“You’re not likely to reach your goals if you only work hard when you feel like it”

“This time next year, you’ll be wishing you had started now”

I really like this little quote/idea! I have found myself trying to justify blowing off workouts…”i have a stuffy nose”, “welli havent eaten that bad today”, “if i work out, i wont have time to watch so-and-so show” and the excuses just keep getting worse. Or sometimes, I’m laying around with nothing by time to kill, and I just wanna continue being lazy watching Rachel Zoe. When in reality, I need to be taking advantage of the time I have (especially now since I’m not working) to push myself, take care of myself, and work hard getting in shape. No matter what your goal is—you cannot let yourself lose momentum or lose sight of what you’re working so hard for. Just because the results aren’t instantaneous does not mean they are not entirely worth it!

In regards to the second quote, that really stuck with me for a lot of reasons too. An entire year is a VERY long time. A lot happens, a lot changes. I remember thinking to myself…”this time next year I can have this much money saved, or lose this much weight,” etc. Rather than pushing those kind of things off, if its something I really want I need to start today! It’s such an overwhelming feeling–trying to plan for something a year or more in advance. I used to think…oh I have a whole year I will just start next month—-then before you know it, it’s summer time, I wanna pop in a teeny tiny bikini and I have one month to shape up, no good! Then at that point, I’m thinking “fuck if I had just started a year ago I would have defintely lost the weight, toned up, saved money for a vacation, whatever”. I try to say these short sentences to myself everyday to remind myself to keep moving forward and disciplined about my goals because again the end result is that much sweeter

Still working it

Alright alright alright! I haven’t fallen off the wagon-I have still been going hot and heavy with p90x. It was just really annoying to update everyday because results worth talking about take more than a day to notice anyway. Workouts have still been going great, still challenging–but my endurance has skyrocketed and I can actually keep up much better now. I can see the biggest improvement in yoga-the first few weeks there were some poses I couldn’t even do and now I can do everything (of course some stuff is still pretty shaky!). Some days I have been working out twice a day–adding jillian michaels shred in the mix. The first time I did that I was amazed how easy it was compared to the intense p90x workouts and how easy it was compared to how it used to feel. I mean I still broke a major sweat but I wasn’t huffing and puffing, I actually worked hard continuously through all circuits.

In the meantime, I’ve been starting to incorporate healthier eating habits. For example, I LOVE burgers but obviously burgers do not love me. So Ive found a great substitute, turkey burgers! I know its not a new idea, but I had never had one and didn’t realize how delicious they are. They are super juicy and flavorful–I just toasted some wheat bread for a bun and added colby jack cheese (bad i know, but i cant break my cheese addiction). We’re not eating the best right now since we’re winging it off of one income so spaghetti is a diet staple–but I start a new job in a few weeks so we will be able to make some more major, beneficial changes to our meals.

 

Day 19

ahh rest day. good thing too because im so stopped up and sneezing and so blah i wouldnt have been able to do a thing today anyway! on another note..i just remembered this is week 4 meaning the routine changes. i think im going to do what ive been doing for one more week, then do the “rest/recovery” week. Which btw I looked at the schedule for week 4 which is supposed to be like the recovery week…and i was like ,”are they crazy! this is NOT easy stuff!” it basically consisted of yoga multiple times, kenpo multiple times, core stuff, etc. woo!

Day 18

man was my energy LOW today! for some reason i couldnt get my heart rate recovered as quickly as i had been able to before. i was sweating my ass off and super hot and had to take a lot of breaks which made me super frustrated! especially since k was next to me not even hardly breaking a sweat. i think i was just in a pissy mood and distracted so it was extra hard to focus on what i was doing. even though today was tough i still got through it and like every other time felt like a million bucks!

Day 17

wow wow wow yoga is tough. every week im like ohhh yes yoga this is going to be so nice…then i endure the first like 45 minute of nonstop movement poses—runners pose, plank, vinyasa (spelling?) downward dog, plank, upward dog etc etc. ahhh! but today i took minimal breaks..im talking like 5-15 seconds so im proud of my endurance. i felt especially good today because every time i would drop down i just felt all the bad negative energy being forced out of me. very glad yoga is part of life now!

Day 16

Wow I was really impressed with myself today! I pumped through arms and shoulders and did a total of 40 chair dips woo hoo! I really worked hard and it felt good. NEED SOME WEIGHTS OR BANDS THOUGH ASAP! I need a little more challenge than a 3lb hand weight

Day 15

Still hanging in there!! I think I’ve discovered the reason why it’s not getting “easier” every week or i’m not getting “used” to the workouts. It’s because in reality I AM getting stronger ever day so each time I do a workout I am pushing myself harder than the week before.

Day 14

Chest and back! wowzas i feel extremely pathetic/wambly/and weak during this workout. The need to build more arm/chest/back strength is imminent. wow! However I’m getting better on my push up form so I’m able to do them correctly. Also, I’m starting to do pushups that are not modified (even though its only like 3) but thats still better than before. Unfortunately I still do not have the chinup/pull up bar but never fear–I will be purchasing one as soon as I have a little extra money.

 

For those of you just beginning the program, stay positive! Working out makes your ageless and wow the immediate benefits felt are unbeatable not to mention the long term benefits that will come. I’ve heard so many people quit after the first week and I still can’t figure out why, the program is definitely hard and intense but also so motivating to conquer this thing!! Do it yall!

Day 13

rest

 

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