omg omg omg omg omg. ok so im pretty nervous about starting this new job. like frantic nervous. these past 2 years of my life have included some pretty fuckin insane jobs.
1. the insane asylum beverly hills job-drama, bitchiness, 60 hours a week, hour long commute, 10 dollars an hour, psycho boss, ex criminals, etc
2. running a company-no money, partner was a sociopath-liar, manipulative, evil, fucked me over bitch
3. unjustly terminated–story still to come
4. job right before moving to cali–call center–stupid people, definitely was on another level from my coworkers, not better than, just on another level, exremely strict rules and guidelines, scheduled bathrooms breaks-no good for me
So basically all of these experiences of working after college have been fucking horrible. exhausting, deteriorating, awful. while i do admit owning my own business is my dream-there are steps that need to be taken for me to get to that point and be as successful as i envision. Other than that-what I really want is to enjoy the people I work with-I’d like to connect and share interests and hopefully be in the same age group. I neeeed to meet people younger here, so far everyone is older than me and it makes me feel older than I am. I want to make enough money to meet my ongoing obligations and pay my debt down and start planning my wedding. I want some freedom-I don’t mind following guidelines on how they want stuff done, but I want to make it my own and be trusted to do a good job. no micro management!
im facing the possibility of working anywhere between 6am-11pm 365 days a year. my first worry is, is this job going to be worth it to potentially miss thanksgiving? and even worse, CHRISTMAS? I am a christmas junkie. i live for that time of year. i absolutely love the love, joy, hope, giving, and family time. i am horrified of the thought of missing it, so im praying for strength to get through it and like i said, hopefully the sacrifice will be worth it in the long run.
another fear–working late at night means i miss time with my love. working super early ams means well, my general discomfort since i dont like early mornings AND having to leave my love warm in bed. but i think to myself—1. i used to be a server and work super late nights (although kev wasnt working fulltime back then, those were student days) and 2. im no stranger to working early mornings ive done it plenty of times in past jobs. i guess i just need to not be so dependent on lover boy. ugh its just so hard when all i want to do is spend every waking moment with him, but thats just unrealistic and i need to get over it.
i just want something good. ive learned a lot these last 2 years and i think i deserve a second chance to be smart and get my shit together and im hoping this opportunity will be it.